Seven-year-old Brisa de Angulo wanted to change the world. She brought local kids to her backyard, creating a learning environment away from mainstream schools, where children were often beaten by their teachers.

At 14 years old, she went further and formally founded her own school to give children more choice. But at 16 years old, de Angulo was raped. Having reported the assault to the police, she was ostracised, with her home set on fire. Several attempts were made on her life.

“I started to realise the horrible world that girls live in,” she said.

So at 17, she started a program for children who have been sexually abused. This became A Breeze of Hope, a Bolivian NGO, which provides free and comprehensive services to child victims of sexual violence.

Now it also offers parenting programs, teaching dads how to communicate with their babies, and in doing so, encouraging them to build loving relationships early.

Parenting programs offer a safe space for parents to learn alongside their peers, to reflect on, better understand and then change their behaviour. But with parenting, one size doesn’t fit all. How do policymakers make sure that parents are still able to express themselves while learning the ropes?

How parenting helps

Research shows that parenting practices like low parental warmth, harsh language, and little involvement in a child’s life can increase the risk of them experiencing sexual abuse.

Children benefit from parenting classes directly and indirectly. Directly, they receive stronger external barriers following more effective parental supervision. Indirectly, classes can promote a child’s wellbeing and self esteem. Evidence suggests this helps them become less likely targets for abuse, or if abuse does occur, more able to disclose it.

Senior Advisor at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Kim Miller started thinking about the impact of parenting 22 years ago, after her three-year-old daughter asked a question around sex and relationships.

“Those questions come early,” said Miller.

Years of research fed into the launch of Parents Matter! and Families Matter!, two programs which teach parents of 10 to 12-year-olds how to communicate with their children.

De Angulo and Miller come from different continents, and were spurred on by different motivations. But both came to a similar conclusion — parenting classes can stop child sexual violence in its tracks.

Baby talk in Bolivia

De Angulo points parents towards being instinctive with their kids. She helps fathers listen out for five key sounds, then identify them with their babies’ needs. “It promotes a deep understanding that their baby has a way of communicating with them.” The bond this creates changes the parent's perspective. “It creates humility,” de Angulo said. “It builds responsibility that it’s the parent’s job to interpret what their baby is telling them.”

The project started five years ago, and now 300 families have been helped by de Angulo’s work.

“When you have emotional bonding, you can’t hurt that person”

It wasn’t always targeted at fathers. At the start of the program, the room was packed with mothers. Now, it’s 95% dads. “There are now fights between mums and dads on who gets to change their baby’s diaper,” said de Angulo.

Dads are also encouraged to cook at the parenting school, to build their understanding of child nutrition. Traditionally women’s spaces, the kitchens are now full of men.

Fathers are spurred on seeing other fathers doing domestic tasks, and the children are proud to see them become pillars of the community. “It’s exciting for the kids,” said de Angulo. “You get them saying: ‘my dad’s come to cook for me!’”

Across the whole project, emotional bonding is key. “When you have emotional bonding, you can’t hurt that person,” said de Angulo. “It’s easy to not be compassionate towards small children. That’s when you find parents crossing lines, little by little.”

“We realised that the way to get through early was with parents”

It also makes parents appreciate their influence. “I’ve never met a parent who isn’t willing to change once they realise their impact on their child,” de Angulo said.

Adapting and exporting parenting

At the turn of the millennium, Miller first started a successful parenting program in the US, Parents Matter!, which developed from her earlier work in HIV prevention.

Her early research showed the importance of acknowledging and shaping children’s behaviours before they are socialised according to their sexual scripts. “We realised that the way to get through early was with parents,” she said.

The program at first didn’t include sexual violence training. It wasn’t until it had been rolled out in 2006 that Miller realised there was a gap, inspired by the first violence against children survey in Tanzania. Originally a five week program, preventing sexual violence became the focus of the sixth lesson.

"Parents often respond: “I didn’t realise that was child sexual abuse”"

Miller was aware that the program couldn’t be copied and pasted from the US version (Parents Matter!). “We wanted to bring over the American model,” said Miller. “But knew we needed to also adapt and refine the program.” Researchers in Kisumu, Kenya helped make cultural adaptations.

The first step was to rename it Families Matter! to include family members beyond parents, who in rural Kenya were more often involved in the parenting process than in the US.

Low literacy rates among the adult population meant that drawings were more useful than text to convey messages on posters and handouts. The classes also use songs, roleplay and local proverbs.

The US program, Parents Matter!, used videos to provide scenarios to spark discussion, but these were replaced for Families Matter! by audiotapes following a resource assessment. Through the audiotapes, adults hear messages of children via recordings of difficult situations they have encountered.

One clip shows a girl who has been sexually abused by a friend’s father. The parents then reflect on the testimony. Parents often respond: “I didn’t realise that was child sexual abuse”.

“We don’t train people and hope, we train people and certify them”

“The program is about parents responding and recognising their children: following their gut, believing their child,” said Miller. The child comes into the class at session five for a discussion on peer pressure.

The program links parents with resources based in their local community, so that questions like “where could I go to report child sexual abuse?” are easy to answer. Attendees are given a parent manual to refer back to, alongside a puberty booklet to be shared with their kids.

Between 18 and 30 parents take each class. The program retains around 90% of parents, despite the fact that there are no incentives to join, apart from a snack and water.

There are two facilitators — one male and one female. Facilitators aren’t psychiatrists but people rooted in their local communities.They’re fully trained to a high standard. “We don’t train people and hope, we train people and certify them,” said Miller.

Miller is always expanding her remit: the program is branching out into Teachers Matter!, Faith Matters!, Community Matters!, spreading the message to teachers, faith leaders and community health care workers respectively.

What’s most important is the impact on the kids. Children, said Miller, come away saying “mom is completely different now”.

In combatting sexual abuse with better parenting, de Angulo and Miller tap into something different: building joy. There is no culture of fear or shame in their classes. Instead they have constructed — oceans away from one other — environments where learning can thrive, and where children become more supported, and less at risk as a result. — Emma Sisk

[Photo credit: Adam Sherez/Unsplash]

Make sure to share your own thoughts with the author by leaving a comment below