This article is written by Jenna Bottcher Hansen, Manager Ministerial Relations and Services at Ministry of Justice**.** This article is one of the finalists in Apolitical’s 2020 women in government writing competition.

As I write this, I have a preschooler curled up next to me on the couch. I also have my laptop on my lap with my work email open.

I have wanted to move into a managerial position for a long time. For an even longer time I have wanted to have children and to be at home with them as much as possible.

Growing up was a very different time. My father worked in the Defence Force and through that we lived in cheap state housing. In New Zealand, then and now, school and healthcare are provided either completely or cheaply. This meant my mother didn’t need to work to pay for the staples. For some spending money perhaps, but not for our day-to-day needs. When she did work, it was during school hours or at night after my dad got home.

I love the memories I have of walking home after school to our house, hearing music play through the open doors and windows. One or both of my parents attended all our school plays and camps.

I truly believe in the quote (whose author escapes me) that the feminist movement was about creating a world where a woman could have it all and would have the choice to do anything. It wasn’t about making women do everything.

My problem, however, has been that I do want to have it all. I want to drop my kids off at school in the morning and then pick them up again in the afternoon. I want to be there for their school events and to take them to their sports and extra activities. I want to sit with them to do their homework and to help them learn to read.

If there is anyone reading this who has thought about moving into a managerial position but has hesitated because of their ambitions for their family or home life, just do it

But I also want to excel in my career. I had worked for many years before I had children, and I even completed a post-graduate certificate in public management while I was working full-time. I am passionate about the public service and I have always been working towards the next step or the next goal to take my career further.

My oldest child is now 5 years old. So, it’s been around 6 years where I’ve purposefully put my career on the back burner. I’ve been in the same role, in the same organisation for that time. I’ve moved teams so that I’ve been able to mix up the topics I work on, but I haven’t pushed myself to develop or move into that next step.

I’ve continuously re-worked my part-time hours and arrangements so that I could always prioritise being home for my children. I waited until my oldest was at school, and until Covid-19 proved how effective we could all be when working from home, before I applied for a manager position.

My own self-doubt held me back from figuring out a way to have the job I wanted while also being the mum I wanted

But now that I am there, I have been looking back and I really wonder if that 6 years was necessary. My assumption during that time was that a manager needs to be in the same office as their team and needs to be available for their team. Over that period, I didn’t see or hear about a manager, man or woman, who was working part-time.

And again, reflecting on this Covid-19 world, does that assumption hold true? If I had known someone who was in a manager position with small children would that have changed my thinking? If there were managers who were vocal about being available 9-3 or about doing their delivery work on a Saturday, would that have encouraged me to make the move sooner? Does it really need to be a choice between a career or being at home with your kids?

If there is anyone reading this who has thought about moving into a managerial position but has hesitated because of their ambitions for their family or home life, just do it. We’ve had to try and change and then rework our working hours and offices so much this year, and from what I can see, everything has been okay.

My own self-doubt held me back from figuring out a way to have the job I wanted while also being the mum I wanted. There are so many more tools and role models now for working in different ways. I encourage you to apply for the job you want and figure out the logistics later. Don’t wait for a trail blazer or a Covid-19 pandemic to map out the path for you. — Jenna Bottcher Hansen

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