This article is written by Rebecca Jarvis Head of Strategic Commissioning and Policy, Essex County Council. This article is one of the finalists in Apolitical’s 2020 women in government writing competition.

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I didn’t plan to join The Royal Navy.

It was a spontaneous act of rebellion but conversely ended up being one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The Navy taught me to understand myself, recognise my strengths, my weaknesses and develop qualities I didn’t know I had. It gave me a sense of purpose and whilst not my vocation, made me hungry. Hungry for growth, hungry for challenge, hungry to find my purpose, both in life and in my career.

18 months after leaving The Royal Navy, I joined the police as a caseworker and found myself knocking on the door of a woman who had reported abuse at the hands of her husband. The woman was known to the police and it wasn’t the first time she had reported abuse and retracted her statement.

She cracked the door partially open and I was struck by the stale scent of alcohol and the delicacy of the individual standing in front of me. We moved into the living room and both sat uncomfortably on the edge of the sofa. The curtains were drawn and the room was dark, but her fear was visible. She jumped at every creak and looked through me when she talked.

I could see exhaustion in her eyes and heard the fatigue in her voice as she told me she wanted again to retract her statement. I was struck by this lady. I didn’t see a victim but someone who was lost, someone who had been beaten physically and emotionally into believing she was nothing and someone who didn’t know how to ask or accept help.

Women have a unique talent to multi-task and I used this talent to remain true to my values, lead my team, and continue to deliver activity to transform public services

As I left and drove home to my safe haven, I was moved and felt an overwhelming urge to do something. This took me in many different directions across my career but my focus remained firmly rooted in helping people to find opportunities to build, rebuild or adapt their lives.

When I left my job as a Senior Practitioner for a drug and alcohol charity to go on maternity leave with my first child, I knew I wouldn’t go back. I felt ready for the next challenge, for growth, but didn’t think about the implications of finding and starting a new job whilst having a new baby. My friends and family thought I was mad.

I just knew I had a fire in my belly and I didn’t want to accept that I couldn’t develop whilst being a mum. 7 months after having my daughter I was lucky enough to be offered a new job and a promotion which I nervously accepted. Returning to work as a mum whilst managing the expectations of parenthood and a new role was a challenge and at times, consuming.

When I was made redundant 10 months after starting this new role, I was crushed, but my tenacity, positivity and commitment helped me to find people who believed in me and another opportunity that allowed me the space to grow, develop and remain deeply rooted in my aspirations.

When I joined local government I found the approach to flexible working liberating, the breadth of challenge vast, and I was quickly promoted to a leadership role. It was difficult to leave the work and team I had worked so hard to develop when I fell pregnant with my second child, but coming back was a different ball game. My circumstances had changed and I wasn’t prepared for this. I took for granted the gravity of these changes, and the strength of my coping mechanisms to manage.

The expectations and challenges of my role were more complex and the learning curve steeper. Juggling two children across two different childcare settings, running on adrenaline to get through the day after countless sleepless nights, responding to hormones I felt I couldn’t control, coming to terms with feeling that nothing was ever good enough, and being constantly reminded about the importance of being visible — despite working long into the night and weekends to prove my value — made me feel oppressed.

The ability to build trust and develop relationships is fundamental to local government and this collaboration should be the linchpin behind public services

Whilst navigating these newly found obstacles in my life, I began to question myself. Imposter syndrome started to suffocate me, professionally and personally. I started to compare myself to colleagues, my confidence dropped and I got trapped in a cycle of negativity. This held me back for a time, but women and mothers have an ability to dig deep.

To use our emotional intelligence to recognise changes in our own behaviours whilst understanding the impact of these changes on others, and their perception of you. Women have a unique talent to multi-task and I used this talent to remain true to my values, lead my team, and continue to deliver activity to transform public services.

In one of the most unprecedented years of our lifetime, these experiences feel somewhat insignificant but they have defined me. Life is full of ups, downs and experiences that can catch us off guard. The truth is, until I had children I didn’t think about my gender. I just saw myself as someone who was ambitious to make change, but being a mum has propelled me in leadership and given me opportunities, (good and bad), to grow.

I often think back to that day as a caseworker looking into the eyes of someone who had been beaten, (physically and emotionally). I am still struck by the overwhelming urge I felt to do something; not dismiss the lady, nor continue to offer support that she didn’t want or feel able to accept. I started to challenge my own thinking and the thinking of those around me.

I felt a sense of empathy that I have continued to practice throughout my career and in understanding who I am as a leader. Whilst my current role in local government focuses on larger scale transformation, my motivation continues to be deeply rooted by this experience and a passion to want to make a difference, for people.

I would have never have considered myself a feminist before, but I am proud of the many women I have had the privilege of connecting with and the barriers they have overcome. The ability to build trust and develop relationships is fundamental to local government and this collaboration should be the linchpin behind public services. Women are the catalyst to making that collaboration happen. Believe in yourself. —Rebecca Jarvis

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