5 ways to combat loneliness at work

This article is written by Rell DeShaw, a manager within the Government of Canada, and an occasional blogger

• The problem: You may have been struggling with loneliness before the pandemic but it’s possible that the current situation has made things even worse.
• Why it matters: Being lonely at work can be a drain on your engagement and productivity as an employee and can have health consequences.
• The solution: There is no magic solution, but here are a range of techniques that may help you make lasting connections in your workplace and perhaps even beyond.

Years ago, I took a six-week work assignment in a developing nation where I was advised not to go outside after the sun went down at 6pm. The work space was a production environment and on a human level, quite frosty. I received no invites out to evening or weekend events.

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This was a time before we could easily make video calls back home and the time turned out to be an incredibly long and lonely six weeks. Though this was more prolonged, I have experienced other workplace loneliness, including a time when I started a new job just behind a large new cohort that had bonded and didn’t invite me out to their group events; and when I have worked in environments where there was no peer group at my management level.

Though I am not prone to loneliness, feeling lonely at work can be incredibly bruising, even when you are otherwise primed to love your job and thrive.

Don’t count yourself out too quickly, and be willing to persist for a bit to see if you can make connections.

With the pandemic, some new levels of loneliness may have crept in, as we have lost those occasions to make connections at the margins of meetings or in the line getting coffee. Even the occasion to take a walk to get a new notebook from the office supply key holder is extinguished.

If you are tempted to shake off your loneliness as a problem not worth an investment, bear in mind that loneliness can have negative health effects like increased heart disease and mental health problems, not to mention lowered productivity.

If loneliness is taking its toll on your enjoyment of your work, the options I am going to suggest will require you to stick your neck out to try to make connections with uncertain rewards. But, I have made some life-long friends with some of my approaches, so a leap of faith may be worth it.

Be a joiner and work the room

This is likely the lowest-stakes way to try to make connections. To the extent that your schedule allows, join a few different projects or committees with the goal of meeting new people. Do you necessarily want to be on the committee to reform the office filing system or fill the health and safety committee seat that has been vacant for 18 months? Maybe not, but see beyond that: interesting people lurk in many places.

Once you arrive, make sure that you introduce yourself to at least one or two people. If you see any possible connections in those intro chats, indicate that you may follow up with a coffee invite to get the ball rolling.

Be an organiser, connector or information-sharer

Offer to present a “lunch and learn” on a project or a training course you attended. If you have a secret skill (perhaps you are an Excel super-user), offer this skill up through doing a demonstration or sharing a resource and include an offer of a one-on-one chat to answer any questions. Consider sussing out interest to start a “community of practice” or a peer circle to talk shop, advocate for areas of interest and discuss common problems of concern. If your work culture supports it, organise a games session at lunch, a volunteer opportunity or start a running/walking/toastmasters club. When you are running to grab a coffee, offer to grab one for your neighbour — maybe they will instead come for the walk.

Work the org chart

I started a new job fairly recently and decided to use the org chart to reach out to several of my peers to introduce myself. In some cases, we have decided to continue with regular meetings to keep chatting. Rather than sending an email asking for a coffee chat and waiting for responses, I just send the coffee chat invites directly to save traffic. They don’t all pan out, but most do.

Unsure how far around the org chart to go? I like this suggestion from a Harvard Business Review article: Never eat lunch alone.

“Every single person you’ll work with in your new position — from the receptionist to the CEO — can teach you something valuable, and each of them can be a friend and mentor in your career.”

Bare your neck by owning your predicament (and say “yes”)

In another moment in my life, I was lonely when all my close friends picked up and moved after graduating from law school to a city a few hours away. I finally clumsily asked a work colleague about any social groups I could join to rebuild a community. She offered two book clubs — I joined both and I made some life-long friends from attending both of these clubs.

In fact, this same friend who hooked me up with the book clubs also connected me to a friend of hers when I was on my assignment overseas. That friend invited me out to social events which made my work trip much less lonely and more enriching.

That said, all of these suggestions do lead to a last important suggestion...

Take nothing personally and have a thick skin.

There may be a myriad of sound reasons why it is be difficult to gel with your work colleagues. Existing work cliques can be well-established and folks can be genuinely busy. Don’t count yourself out too quickly, and be willing to persist for a bit to see if you can make connections. — Rell DeShaw

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