This article is written by Denise Grant, Public Servant and Legal Assistant at the Ministry of the Attorney General.

The views of this author are their own and do not represent the views of Ministry of the Attorney General

  • The problem: People consistently resist change: at the start of your journey, you set out with confidence. However, after multiple unsuccessful attempts you quit.
  • Why it matters: People have given up on their dreams and themselves, and have rendered themselves powerless and stuck in patterns of behaviour that no longer serve them.
  • The solution: Acknowledging this common behaviour in yourself is the first step to turning your unfulfilled circumstances around to take back your power. Once you have reclaimed your personal power and put the necessary work into practice, you will be on the path to self-transformation. I did it and so can you.

A recent study in an issue of the Personality and Social Psychological Bulletin revealed that 90% of adults have deep regrets about their lives. I had to get honest with myself. I was among those with regrets if I continued to remain the same. I had a decision to make and took a look at where I was and where I wanted to be in 10 years.

For over 25 years, I have worked as a legal professional with a life-long desire to obtain a law degree. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I often asked myself, “Why has it taken me so long?”

I have repeatedly heard it said by author, Joyce Meyer, that “fear is false evidence appearing real.” Real enough to stop you in your tracks, paralysing your hopes and dreams. Looking back, I can see it was my fears that kept me from pursuing my degree in earlier years.

What is it about change that holds you back? Is it that mysterious ‘fear of the unknown’?

My first confrontation with change began with overcoming my fear of public speaking. For two years, I committed to Toastmasters International. This was enough to give me the confidence I needed to apply to law school, and I was accepted.

What if your success is ten or eleven more tries away?

On a more personal level, my second confrontation occurred when I received an email from a lawyer demanding I take action or else there would be consequences. My initial thoughts and reaction considered the negative outcome that would result if I did not respond immediately: the embarrassment, not having enough money, or no money at all to comply.

With my heart racing, I paused, took time to reflect, and I logged off. A few days later, I logged back in. I crafted my response to that lawyer and I said, “I will not be responding to your request and please relay the message to your client that they can do with their money as they please.”

For me, this meant that I was no longer responding to fear. I realised that if I did not do as the lawyer requested, I might not receive the sufficient amount of money I needed in the end. I feared the struggle that might have resulted from not complying with the rules required by the law and any decision made by the judge. I acknowledged the discomfort that lay ahead for me if I chose to no longer allow another person to determine how much money I was entitled to receive. I made the decision that, come what may, I would be okay even if it meant going through more temporary discomfort. I also wanted to overcome any possible remaining fear, whether conscious or unconscious. And I was making sure that the next time I saw a lawyer’s name or letterhead in my inbox it wouldn’t trigger any fear.

When it comes to the law, why do people fear the courts and the police? Well, it’s because people fear letting others down, making a mistake, looking incompetent and being judged or blamed. This is the place I chose to walk away from. I no longer fear other people’s opinions of me.

I am now on a path to confront a lot of my fears. Although this has been a journey of overcoming a series of personal fears that turned into victories, I have seen my transformation in the office. What used to frustrate me easily, I now approach with patience. I stopped multitasking and chose to focus on results rather than avoiding tasks I found less interesting. I lead colleagues in the pursuit of transforming provincial government workspaces into communities.

Here are five action steps I took to push myself off the proverbial “fence”:

  1. Identify your dream and find the reason you want it. What can it do for others?

  2. Regularly envision yourself in the place where that accomplishment will take you.

  3. Put in the research to discover what it will take to get you there.

  4. Execute your findings and take baby steps if necessary.

  5. Finally, don’t take no for an answer.

When it comes to resisting change, there is no shortage of reasons – rooted in fear – that you tell yourself to resist. It became clear to me that I was afraid to push past the challenges, uncertainty and self-doubt.

When you have a dream, act on it. If things don’t work out the way you planned, you tend to give up. What if your success is ten or eleven more tries away? I failed the law school admissions test twice and was denied admission by the law school on my first application. I challenged the university’s decision and was accepted. I started law school and after the first year, I had to suspend studying for three years to look after my health.

Had I stopped there I would not have gained the confidence and courage to accelerate my career. I am now a TEDx speaker. I have recently organised and hosted my first local TEDx Caledon event. Having confronted my fears of the law, the courts and the police, today, I am one exam away from obtaining my law degree.

The next time you start something and things don’t work out as you wanted. That is the time to turn your efforts into confrontation. You now have a meeting with the opposition, yourself. So don’t give up on your dream or yourself. Pause if you must. Get some rest. Set an action plan and get back working on it. No is not the end. No might simply mean not now, come and get me.

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