This article is written by Maeve Nicholson, Senior Policy Advisor, Department for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy, United Kingdom

  • The problem: How uncomfortable and awkward it can be to have a difficult conversation with someone.
  • Why it matters: Difficult conversations are essential to address issues within a team but also to learn and grow from constructive criticism and feedback.
  • The solution: Be human, accept feedback yourself and don’t be afraid to challenge upward.

Having a difficult conversation with anyone, whether at work or in your personal life, is never an enjoyable experience. Often we view such conversations as confrontational or an attack on the individual we are talking to. However, if we rethink our approach to “difficult conversations”, taking the difficulty out of them and seeing them as an opportunity for both parties to learn and grow, we can remove the awkwardness and begin to benefit from these interactions. Here are my top tips for approaching what you deem to be a difficult conversation.

So just remember that difficult conversations do not have to be difficult—be human, open, and confident.

Firstly, remember to be human. Regardless of what has led to this conversation occurring, put aside any negative or angry emotions you may have before you begin the discussion. It is important to remind yourself that the person you are speaking to has feelings too, so try to remember when you were on the other side of a difficult conversation and empathise with how nervous or concerned they may be feeling. Keep the conversation constructive and factual, and approach it calmly and openly, ensuring you are listening to the individual as well as talking to them. It is always important to consider that something you are unaware of could be going on with that individual, so keep this in the back of your mind throughout the conversation.

Secondly, accept feedback. This is particularly important to remember as a manager or a leader where we can often slip into a sense of superiority which can undermine team members' belief that they are able to provide feedback. But it is essential to understand that your actions could impact others, so it is really important to be open to taking constructive criticism. Additionally, receiving feedback in this way can help you empathise with those you then have difficult conversations with, enabling you to be understanding and human, as discussed earlier.

Finally, don’t be scared of having difficult conversations with your superiors. Whilst it can feel uncomfortable, challenging upwards when you feel that something is not right is essential to bringing about positive change. It can seem daunting, but it is very empowering, and your actions could also be helping others who do not feel as confident to share their views. You should never be reprimanded for sharing constructive feedback with management, and if you ever are, then there are HR channels which can help support you.

So just remember that difficult conversations do not have to be difficult—be human, open, and confident. You can turn those uncomfortable encounters into an exercise of relationship building and mutual learning.

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