How a life-changing health condition compelled me to view leadership differently

This article is written by Nikki Isaac at the Ontario Digital Service within the Ontario Public Service.

• The problem: Leadership can lack diversity when certain underrepresented groups aren’t able to be part of conversations.
• Why it matters: As public servants, we are working for diverse populations and should represent the people we work for.
• The solution: Leadership needs to be intentional in not only making space but also opportunities.

On 5 November 2022, I was diagnosed with a brain tumour in the emergency room of my local hospital. Three short days later I had an MRI. The following morning, brain surgery. I was out of hospital on 12 November, back at work the following Monday, and was diagnosed with melanoma, an extremely aggressive, incurable, but treatable form of cancer on 19 November.

My diagnosis came after I experienced small seizures in the months leading up to November. They always seemed to occur after I exercised so I (and everyone I spoke to) guessed it was a ligament injury or something similar. It wasn't until the night before my diagnosis when my speech became extremely slurred, that I knew something was truly wrong.

My diagnosis moved me into a vulnerable group and as a leader, I realise the intentional changes I need to make to empower others to be more supportive to those who need it most.

Beyond the surgery, I had radiation, and will receive immune checkpoint inhibitors treatment over the next two plus years. I’ll also be monitored over the next few years to ensure other tumours don't pop up.

What I learned from a life-changing experience

I've learned so much from the experience and become more sensitive to the humanity that others showed along my journey; the healthcare workers who are overly apologetic when they have to jab me more than once for my blood work; the nurse who braided a small pink elastic into my hair to hold it back and out of the way during surgery; or the teams (leadership and colleagues) at the Ontario Digital Service (ODS) who remind me almost daily that they have my back. This humanity is somewhat overwhelming, fills me with a sense of gratitude I've never felt before and inspires me to make each day a little easier for others.

Life events don’t stop when health issues arise, but often only get more difficult to balance.

Throughout my diagnosis and treatment, I have become aware that people often interact with government services at the worst times of their lives. It may be when experiencing divorce, illness, unemployment, or the death of a loved one and I often wonder how we as public servants can incorporate the small pieces of humanity that were so valuable to me into these processes.

And I recognise that citizens who are engaged in government processes at these critical times won't always remember when the process was easy, but they will remember processes that made their journey more cumbersome.

Also, I find less value in empathy than I used to. Empathy can too easily be misunderstood as people believing they know what somebody else is going through when really they cannot. Rather, I find more value in creating teams with members who have diverse life situations and who are empowered to speak up when a process does not align with their own experiences.

At the time of my diagnosis, I was preparing to move into a new role, one that I had been really excited about for some time. When I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, my thoughts were: “This always happens to somebody else, and I am nobody.”; “Everyone else was a nobody until they became somebody.”; “Why me?”; “Why not me?”; “Why now? I really wanted that job.”

But in January, I was able to start the job. And I need to acknowledge my place of privilege and the support that I've received from the ODS leadership team for allowing this to happen.

I am lucky to be part of a team so intentional in creating a diverse workplace. This team has given me the opportunity to move into this position that has allowed me to grow and to learn, to share my experience and to prove that just because I had a brain tumour does not mean my brain was broken.

I acknowledge that not all workplaces (governments and private businesses alike) have this mentality, or trust staff enough to know that they know what they need themselves.

Humanity in the workplace is key to representation at leadership level

I have started to think a lot about single parents, caregivers, people going through treatment even more aggressive than mine and situations I can’t even think of, and how the workplace may “accommodate” workers in these precarious situations but they aren't always given the opportunity to progress through their careers.

The different priorities means a need to focus on health or other responsibilities and this can limit the opportunity to be at the right meetings, on the right projects, or to even simply turn cameras on. If people in these situations can’t fully participate in a space that makes them visible when hiring is happening, ultimately it may lead to a lack of representation at the leadership level.

The training team at the Ontario Digital Service runs monthly IAmA Digital events. These Ask me Anything (AMA sessions) provide a platform for people from underrepresented and vulnerable groups to speak of their digital journeys. In conversations leading up to these sessions panellists often express reluctance in acknowledging that they need an accommodation. We recognise the need for these conversations, but know people sometimes feel targeted if they speak up.

Requesting an accommodation may make some feel that they are opening themselves up to discrimination and that the information could be used against them as an excuse not to allow them to advance in their career.

Turning my diagnosis into a superpower

As a leader, I recognise the privileges that I have, and make it my responsibility to create safe spaces for others. I would never use my cancer diagnosis as a way to draw sympathy. Instead, I use it as my superpower to show that it’s okay for me to discuss my new limitations. For example, I have intentionally updated my email signature to signal that I use text-to-speech assistive devices that may not always work seamlessly. This isn’t a selfish act, but one that is meant to show vulnerability and empower others to do the same.

The reality is that empathy can only go so far. No one can know what another person is experiencing. My diagnosis moved me into a vulnerable group and as a leader, I realise the intentional changes I need to make to empower others to be more supportive to those who need it most.

How to lead with humanity to create more than just “space”

Lead with authenticity

Leaders who are authentic have high self-awareness, are genuine, modest, demonstrate humility and empathy. They take the time to understand what type of leader they want to be and work towards that always. They take the time to identify and examine their biases and determine how they may need to pivot their leadership style.

Lead with compassion

My own journey has made me less bound to empathy and I’ve found more value in areas such as compassion, humility and gentle acts of humanity and kindness. Leading with compassion involves more focus on relationships by listening, understanding and supporting other people enabling them to feel valued, respected and cared for.

Lead with humanity

The term “accommodation” itself can feel almost demeaning. It is as if as a positional leader, you are willing to do the bare minimum to make your team member’s life tolerable. But in developing the other leadership skills, there is an opportunity to go beyond tolerable and work towards best.

When people are treated with kindness, they tend to treat others similarly. In public service, our citizens will see returns in services that are being built with humanity and kindness.

Lead with a growth mindset and understanding

Someone confiding in you about their health journey or other barriers that they face should be seen as an incredible compliment as to how much they trust you with their story. It can also be a learning experience that will help shape interactions with other team members later.

I think of Larry King’s quote – “I have never learned anything while I was talking”, and I think this is a perfect example of when allowing others the space to speak is incredibly valuable.

Lead to make opportunity

It was my director, Gloria Er-Chua, who noticed that there was a difference between making space and making opportunity.

When she first mentioned this, I thought of the quote that says, “Diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance.”

But Gloria is really talking about belonging – how much people feel welcomed as members of the team independent of their demographics. “Belonging is getting out on the dance floor and not being afraid to make a fool of yourself because the rest of the team has your back.”

Lead with intention

Leading with intention is very similar to making opportunity and that has to be a deliberate act. We need to recognise limitations or barriers that people may have, and work to remove them so that everybody has the opportunity to be successful.

Lead with vulnerability

Being in a position of leadership is a privilege, and with that privilege comes opportunity and responsibility. The opportunity to model, create safe spaces by showing others that it is okay to have these conversations. It's also okay to express that you don't know what somebody is going through but you want to try to understand.

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