Coaching my kid’s baseball team has taught me a lot, too

CONTRIBUTED TO THE GLOBE AND MAIL

PUBLISHED MARCH 2022

ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATION BY MARLEY ALLEN-ASH

A few summer’s ago I helped coach my son’s baseball team and came away not only with a better understanding of that quality we call “character,” but also with a truckload of sports clichés that I now use way too often. “Third ain’t so bad if nothin’ is hit to you,” from Yogi Berra, is one of my favourites. As I watched my team of 11 year olds (and under) play something that sort of resembled baseball, my initial impressions were not positive: I noticed a few glaring character gaps. One player regularly packed up his glove, bat and equipment as soon as our team was losing. It didn’t matter if it was only the first inning. He definitely needed to develop a more optimistic mindset – and character.

Another player was overly focused on our win-loss record, pointing out all the negative aspects of our game regardless of how well we played. Other boys preferred to dig up the grass (like terriers) when they weren’t involved in the play. The outfield can be a boring and lonely place – it was poor baseball but very creative crop circles!

There were tears and a lot of boys threw their baseball bats in frustration. Truth be told, I shed some of the tears. While their baseball skills improved over time and with more practice, there remained problems with the team members’ all-important character. “Talent sets the floor, character sets the ceiling,” said one coach to whose words I hang on. If so, then our team had a long way to go in order to reach that ceiling. Players showed up late or not at all, without recognizing the impact their actions had on others. Some players were hard on those who made mistakes. Instead of being supportive or encouraging, they criticized and blamed each other. I needed the kids to balance their sense of accountability with empathy.

In my day job, I’ve found it doesn’t really matter if you’re helping to develop children’s sportsmanship or an adult’s leadership skills. Growth requires self-reflection: We need to identify both strengths and weaknesses, and then take action to fix the weaknesses. And so I started one-on-one talks with each player to discuss things that I noticed and offer feedback. Some of our conversations focused on technical things like holding the bat up higher or opening their eyes when they were making a catch (yes!). But most conversations were about not ruminating over a mistake made in the field or a bad call by the umpire, staying positive and supporting each other when losing, being engaged in the game even when they were not directly involved in the play and sharing skills tips with teammates who were struggling. Slowly things began to change. The players began to take responsibility for their play instead of blaming others for mistakes, they stayed optimistic even when losing and focused on getting the next out or scoring runs. The team culture was improving.

Inspiration came from many sources – parents, movies and the promise of ice cream at the end of the game. To promote resilience, one of our rallying cries became: “So the call didn’t go your way, get over it and move on.” Players began encouraging each other, high-fiving and supporting teammates even if they struck out. They also bonded over discussions of the best beef jerky flavours. I was, however, especially pleased to see some of the players taking leadership roles and having their own one-on-one talks with their teammates. Of course, there were many bumps along the way. Sometimes when I dispensed advice, the kids just stared blankly like cows at a passing train. Still, this gave me the chance to reflect on my personal coaching style and question if I had failed to make a connection or build a trusting rapport with each player. Every person was different, so I needed to adapt the message and approach to each one. Coaching, I realized, was really less about baseball skills and more about understanding people. I don’t think I made huge inroads teaching the players how to throw, catch or hit better, but I was pleased that our conversations around character led to something positive. Although our win-loss record remained hideous, most of the individuals developed into stronger, more resilient, optimistic and supportive players and some even looked like future leaders. As for me, I gained significantly from the experience, too. Several of my own behaviours were tested, specifically my patience and ability to be calm and composed, though I recognize that this will be a work in progress, especially when I’m driving on Vancouver streets.

A new season is always just around the corner and I can’t help myself from continuing to use sports clichés, like I’m ready to give my team 110 per cent. And just the other day when my wife was preparing dinner, I loudly proclaimed, “You got this buddy!” I hope she appreciated the support.