Beyond "Good Job": Building Feedback Skills that Matter

• The problem: Feedback is a core managerial function, yet research and lived experience suggest many managers have room to grow in this area.
• Why it matters: Feedback, when done well, has a ripple effect. It boosts performance, strengthens team morale, and drives organizational performance.
• The solution: Below I’ve summarized three books that helped deepen my understanding of feedback and apply it more effectively in my work.

When was the last time feedback changed the way you worked or led? Feedback isn’t just a managerial checkbox; it’s a relational skill that shapes trust, performance and culture.

Take a moment to recall a time when you received or delivered feedback in the workplace. Was it solicited or unsolicited, positive or constructive? Was it received as intended? Irrespective of your role as either receiver or deliverer, how would you rate your listening skills, your ability to be present to engage meaningfully in the conversation, and your openness to the feedback in that recalled memory?

Chances are there are opportunities for micro-improvements. That’s because effective feedback requires a blend of skills: relationship management, emotional regulation, courage, empathy and diplomacy.

But first, why care about feedback beyond the basics?

1. Feedback fuels learning culture. We learn through a mix of on-the-job experience, stretch assignments, participation in webinars and courses, reading industry books, two-way mentorship, and receiving meaningful feedback from our leaders and colleagues. Organizations with strong learning cultures deliver better results, have higher employee retention rates, and foster greater innovation.

2. Feedback is multi-directional. As leaders, we have an opportunity and responsibility to model an openness to actively soliciting and receiving feedback. Our commitment to receiving feedback from our direct reports will help increase the relational social capital necessary to, in turn, deliver potentially challenging feedback in the future. Also, being open to feedback ourselves will help uncover our own gaps, which is necessary for change.

3. Feedback is a shared investment. At its best, effective feedback results in greater self and relational trust, improved performance, and more efficient productivity. Thus, feedback can have a multiplier effect that benefits teams, departments and organizations.

So how do we build these skills? Below are three book recommendations that shaped my understanding and approach to feedback.

Book 1: Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

Favourite Quote: “When we give feedback, we notice that the receiver isn’t good at receiving it. When we receive feedback, we notice that the giver isn’t good at giving it.”

Synopsis:

This book explores four essential skills for effective feedback conversations: listening, asserting, managing the conversation process, and problem solving. The third skill - managing the conversation process- is often overlooked. Yet those who master it can navigate emotionally charged moments with diplomacy and guide conversations towards productive outcomes.

Feedback is categorized into:

• Appreciation – to see, acknowledge, connect, motivate;

• Coaching – to help the receive expand their knowledge, sharpen a skill, or improve their capability; and

• Evaluation – to rate against a set of standards or align expectations.

A standout chapter explores the neuroscience of feedback, showing how our brain’s wiring filters feedback through personal biases. For those prone to negative filtering, the book offers micro-strategies to shift toward more balanced thinking.

Inspired by this book, I invite you to join me in:

• Ask for a coaching session from someone skilled in feedback- this could include candid dialogue, role play or scenario planning.

• Notice resistance when receiving feedback. Is it about the content, the source, or your own interpretation? Track patterns.

• Score yourself. Reflect on your presence, openness, and relationship management. Keep a log of your “second scores.”

Book 2: Radical Candor by Kim Scott

Favourite Quote: “Once people know what it feels like to have a good boss, it’s more natural for them to want to be a good boss. They may never repay you, but they are likely to pay it forward.”

Synopsis:

Kim Scott introduces radical candor as the ideal feedback dynamic built on two pillars:

• care personally – treat your team as whole humans, not just workers.

• challenge directly – speak up when improvements are needed, with courage and clarity.

Common blockers to effective feedback include power dynamics, fear of conflict, and time pressure. Leadership, Scott argues, demands courage, maturity and a commitment to excellence.

One of the book’s most powerful ideas is “ruinous empathy” – avoiding tough conversations to spare discomfort. While it may feel kind in the moment, it often leads to resentment and underperformance over time.

Another critical point in this book is the author’s nuance of high performers in terms of those with rapid career growth and those who prefer a more gradual approach. In many workplaces, the former is highly prized, i.e., those who demonstrate excellence and lean into early and continuous promotional opportunities. Over time, leadership may begin to unknowingly undervalue high performers who are not interested in promotional opportunities, resulting in less meaningful work being assigned to them. To counter this, Scott underscores the importance of understanding employees’ sources of motivation as well as the varied types of recognition beyond promotion for individuals.

Inspired by this book, I invite you to join me in:

• Understanding the importance of 1:1s for building and maintaining mutual trust; and intervening at the earliest signs that these meetings may be underutilized (e.g., you/your direct report regularly cancel; neither party has anything to discuss, or one appears disengaged).

• Being just as specific and thorough with praise as we tend to be with constructive criticism. The specificity of praise feels good and helps set the individual up for future success. “Good job” isn’t as effective or insightful as identifying the layered components of what made the deliverable or performance “good.”

• Asking your team what you could do or stop doing that would make it easier for them to work with you.

Book 3: Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower by Therese Huston

Favourite Quote: “Giving feedback can become your superpower. It’s one of the rare skills you can develop where every improvement translates into better outcomes for your whole team.”

Synopsis:

Huston explores how accurate, guided feedback from managers leads to more creative work, stronger employee loyalty, and a deeper sense of engagement. Drawing on the framework introduced by Stone and Heen, Huston categorizes feedback into three types: appreciation, coaching, or evaluation.

In the early months of working with a new employee, Huston recommends prioritizing appreciation and coaching to build trust, especially for those who are content novices. That said, high-performing individuals also crave feedback across all three categories.

This book also emphasizes the importance of psychological safety: a workplace culture where people feel safe to learn, to contribute, and to challenge the status quo. Feedback is central to his kind of environment, but receiving it isn’t always easy. Huston notes that evaluative feedback can impair cognitive function, including the ability to recall details. One practical tip: ask the receiver restate what they heard to reduce miscommunication and help with memory retention.

Inspired by this book, I invite you to join me in:

• Ask with Intention: In your 1:1s, regularly ask your direct reports what type of feedback would be most useful that day: (1) appreciation (2) coaching or (3) evaluation. Prepare in advance to offer thoughtful feedback in any category.

• Challenge Gendered Language: Be mindful of how praise is framed. Women are often described as “helpers” or as “enthusiastic” and “organized”; whereas, men are described as as “leaders”, “innovative,” and “logical.” Consider switching up your adjectives and removing certain language from your feedback vocabulary.

• Reflect and Rate Yourself: After a courageous feedback conversation, rate yourself (1-5) on: relational listening skills; openness to learning something new; and, radical candor in delivery. Track and create challenges for yourself to grow in each area.

Let’s keep the conversation going

Have a book, podcast or personal insight that’s helped you grow your feedback skills? Share it in the comments – I’d love to hear from you!