Agony Aunt: How can I take action without retaliation?

I really find it hard to build relationships and get work done. My team varies from not implementing instructions to cooperation when it is too late. And now that we are working from home it is even more difficult and I get feedback like: ‘I will not do it.’ This is plain insubordination. When I do institute disciplinary action, my boss vetoes it and says I must withdraw it. This renders me ineffective. And it frustrates the daylights out of me.

The Apolitical community responds:

• This sounds more like a team-wide communication breakdown than insubordination. Have you asked how their workload is, how are they doing mentally and physically, and what is their work/life balance like with the pandemic? Things won't change in your team unless you understand the why, and have more compassion for them. — Kerrie, Policy Manager

• Because of who I am and what I stand for in life and work, I read your context strictly hierarchical, dominated by lines of command based on what you shared about it (i.e. "implementing instructions", "insubordination", "disciplinary action", "veto a decision", etc.) where power lines are activated to get things done instead of person-to-person interactions and meaningful conversations within the team.

A team is not just a bunch of people subordinated to a team leader. They function at their best when they have shared purpose and goals, and have collective reflections about the job, their roles, tasks, strengths and weaknesses. Our team started to work together more when we opened "Pandora's box" and discussed openly our team's vision and mission, challenging what was written on the Intranet as vision and mission. It was a series of genuine exchanges between colleagues, sharing our thoughts and doubts.

Teams need to be able to look in the same direction, understand who is in charge of what and support one another in challenging times. Team leaders need people skills first and foremost. They need to know their team members, their strengths and weaknesses, what motivates them, how to bring the best out of them and need to have face-to-face (or virtual bilateral meeting) conversations with them every now and then. Listening deeply (listen to understand, not to respond!) is one key skill a team leader needs to have.

In the situation you described, I would call in professional support for team coaching (beyond team building) sessions that can help diagnose the situation and find solutions that work. If you are receiving "I will not do it" responses, you as team leader alone might not be enough to make this work better. As you have rightly pointed out, what this team needs is building relationships and trust between you (team leader is also part of the team! — just saying because I heard team leaders separate themselves from the members) that needs continued efforts over time to mend what is broken and to build what works for you all. A team coach can bring in that external, third-party perspective you will need, and an objective, not emotionally charged attitude to help run the conversations you need to go through. Psycho-social services/human resources might be able to support you in finding what works best in your organisational context. Good luck with this! Sharing your frustration with us openly is the first sign that you are genuine about wanting to change the situation for the better with your colleagues in the team. — Andrea Erdei, policy analyst

• Consider rethinking your role. As a team leader, your job isn't to make sure your colleagues get their work done, but to create the conditions that will allow them to get their work done. When someone says "I can't/won't do that", you need to find out why they are unable to complete a task. Dig in and ask enough questions to get to the root of the cause. Are they lacking the tools they need to successfully work remotely? Maybe they have competing demands on their time due to a lack of child care. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue. Given the pandemic, there's a strong chance they could be facing all three at once.

Strong relationships are based on trust, and responding to what you perceive as 'insubordination' with disciplinary action will only erode that trust further. Instead, you need to empathise with your team — figure out the challenges they are facing and try to understand how these are impacting their performance and behaviour. Empathy doesn't come naturally to all of us, but it is a skill that can be honed with practice. Wielded strategically, it can become an incredibly effective management tool. — Anna, Canada

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