Agony Aunt: How can I defend myself against a junior colleague?

A junior colleague is in competition with me. She needs advice and mentoring on everything. Because we are teleworking she does not have much situational awareness.

Despite offering all the support I can give, sharing information it took years to acquire, she is continuously questioning my choices and she carefully selects ways to cast a shadow on my work. How can I defend myself without withdrawing support?

The Apolitical community responds:

• Self-defense might not be the right approach. You know a lot about the area you work in, the whole value chain and the people involved. This is valuable expertise and experience you can be proud of. However, an external, young and dynamic "force" challenging your status quo might not be all that bad. I work in organisational development, and see that what we often perceive as "competition" is a simple mirror held to us for considering other options and different perspectives. As long as you are in defence, you focus on explaining yourself and showing the value of your approach, and that takes a lot of energy out of you. If you can truly open up to listen deeply (to understand the person and what s/he brings) and engage with the new that is being proposed by the new colleague, you'll find yourself in a genuine and professional exchange that could result in benefits for both of you. Instead of assuming what the colleague's intentions are, engage in meaningful conversations.... your energy will be redirected to be more constructive and a real mentor. Examine your own reactions, what triggers them: is it really what s/he says or how you interpreted what s/he wanted to say, have you given time to considering the different options s/he proposes, what is it inside of you that opposes to this newcomer, to the person? To what s/he represents, or to the different solutions s/he brings?, etc. Organisations, in whatever field they work, need "fresh blood" and new perspectives as much as they need the expertise, experience and organizational memory of the mentors to build on. It takes two to tango. — Andrea Erdei, policy analyst

• I would suggest that the policies and procedures of the organisation are shared and explained to this individual. Sometimes, with long experience, certain tasks become second nature and when they do, newcomers find it difficult to follow and would continually ask questions and seek clarifications. However, without sharing the relevant skills and experience, the old staff tend to do more and the new ones are unable to learn quickly enough. — Peter, social worker

• Is this a formal mentoring relationship? If not I'd be curious about the context behind how this relationship came to be. If your colleague keeps going to you for advice and support, she must still value your experience and expertise. What if her suggestions that contradict your advice are actually valuable? Being in a mentoring relationship is a two-way street, so I wonder if you're being open to your colleague's questions and feedback? — Anonymous

• I wonder about the junior colleague’s intentions here, and specifically whether this is a case where there is actually an intent to undermine their more experienced colleague, or whether it is perceived as such and there isn't in fact any intention to do so (i.e. they are doing it inadvertently). — Anonymous

• I would tend to operate from the basis that they are doing this unintentionally, and broach the conversation sensitively around how their questions can make other people feel. This could be about raising their levels of self-awareness, as they may have no understanding of the impact that they are having, which could really impact their career in the long-term. There may also be some inter-generational misunderstanding at play here, so that might also be something to consider. However, the key for me here is for both the parties to have an open and honest conversation and try to resolve through communication. — Chris, HR professional

• This is and can be a difficult and sensitive issue to overcome. I'd personally ask for a position of understanding in respect of where this individual wants to take their career. If they are career minded and wish to progress you can use this to improve the situation and having an honest conversation in respect of a) Praise for career focus b) Utilising this mindset to encourage them to follow your lead as you have already achieved the next step offering servant leadership in respect of their success is ultimately your success and whether they choose to follow your advice or not you've already proven your work ethic and knowledge is achieving the right level of delivery as you have the role currently. c) By following your lead the individual will have greater scope to progress and opportunity. Then comes the difficult bit and whether you choose to talk through an example or be direct and refer to their actions. Neither is easy. However I would discuss the benefits of being able to work with others, follow direction and collaborate in the achievement of a common goal, as if this individual wishes to progress, these are most certainly some of the skills and behaviours they will require and the higher you climb the greater the responsibility and therefore the greater the impact to them individually and others when things go wrong. You can then summarise by offering an area of autonomy (apologies I can't give you this as I do not have enough detail). But coach and guide them to understanding that it is great to have that autonomy and a privilege, and helps you in your work as they can be trusted to complete a task with minimal supervision - however there will be times when there is a need for direction and an ability from them to follow instruction to the letter. That raises concerns at the time of receiving them to ensure full understanding of the task and expected outcome. You'll need to do this often to reinforce the behaviours you wish to see and ensure you record this coaching and direction in the monthly conversations and ask for their feedback too. Finally — and this depends upon how confident you are and your mindset — but ask your team for 360 degree feedback ensuring this individual provides it too eg. what do they want you to continue to do, what do they think you should stop doing and what would they like to see happening in the future to improve things. Review of such feedback can feel personal, however if you remove the emotion and look at the self development opportunity from this you'll also benefit and become a more rounded manager/leader. I'd also repeat this exercise often, to ensure they believe you are listening to them even if you made it simple eg “You said, I did,” without them ruling your life. Best of luck and don't let it get to you, it is amazing that you have had the courage to reach out for help. — Anonymous

• I have certainly had this experience before (not in the civil service) where junior colleagues are in 'competition' with me. Whilst I do not have any good advice on this, I have noticed that I was at fault by giving too many compliments and words of encouragement that made certain juniors overly confident, and stop recognising and respecting my seniority. I think sometimes investing in others needs to be considered and measured, maybe? And there is something to be said for being assertive rather than super-helpful. Having juniors second guessing you makes for an ineffective team and causes a lot of unnecessary frustration. — Anonymous

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